Re Amy Chua / Tiger Mom

The internet has been abuzz with Amy Chua's book and her parenting style for quite a while now. I've been quietly reading them and thinking about what people has been saying and felt the need to add in my two cents.

First off, congrats to her daughter who got into Harvard. However, it's NOT a testament of Chua's parenting skills. Her kid was a Harvard shoo-in to start off with. You CANNOT be a prof's kid and not get into their school. Especially when you are the child of two law professors who are also Harvard Alumni. To not get into Harvard would have been a challenge. Their daughters had the perfect conditions given to them regardless of how Chua parented them. They would have been surrounded by the some of the smartest and most motivated people in the world growing up, and they would have had great role models. They had access to basically endless resources, I’m sure money or even time spent with parents was never a problem. Parenting is only a part of the picture, not the whole story. Please people, let's give the children some credit for what they achieved. I believe they would have achieved MORE if Chua didn't control their lives so much actually. They, the daughters, are clearly gifted and motivated individuals.

Second, those daughters are going to need therapy when they are older. I GUARENTEE it. They would be unable to cope with failure, constantly seeking others’ approval, and of course, endlessly trying please their mother. I can only wish them the best when they are faced with failure, because they have probably never learned what it is like. I hope they will be okay when dealing with rejection and disappointment.

Third, Madam Chua, you are a hypocrite and liar to some extent. Your husband is Jewish, and non-asian. There was no way your children would have been exposed to ONLY Asian parenting. No way. Impossible. You, yourself, are rather non-traditionally Asian yourself, and I’m sure it passed on to your daughters through your parenting. Your own life choices defy Asian parenting. Madam, I’m sure growing up, you had more freedom than your daughters. I’m also sure you grew up with less amiable circumstances than your daughters, but you overcame hardships because you were free to make your own choices and claimed ownership over your life. You defied your parents and married a non-Asian. You defied your parents and went into Law. I wonder if your daughters will have the guts to defy you in the future? I wonder how much stuff they hide, or will hide, from you to avoid your disapproval? I wonder how many days and nights your daughters will spend stressing to figure out a way to tell you something. I’m sure if your daughters got tested for their ability to lie, especially lie to you, they’ll be up there with some pretty damn good poker players. Madam Chua, as your daughters grow older, they will grow closer to their father and further from you as their father will offer them understanding and not judge them. I hope you are aware of all this and prepared to deal with what the future has in store. Actually, I know you are prepared. I just hope your daughters are prepared too.

These are my thoughts on what I have gleamed from your interviews and newspaper publications. I have not yet read the book, and I’m sure it’s a lot less severe than what the media makes it out to be. However, my worries and thoughts towards what your daughters will deal with are genuine and some are from experience, because like them, I was raised by a Tiger Mom. I love her dearly, but I sure would appreciate a less painful up-bringing.

To all the Tiger Cubs out there, I want to hear about your experiences. I would be extremely interested to see a book showing the other side of the Asian parenting experience. If anyone IS compiling something of the sort, I’ll be happy to contribute.